Rihanna

Rihanna truly has multiple personalities when it comes to style. One day, she can wear a classy yet painfully stylish gown, and the next day...

It's a jumpsuit. A black, lacy, turtle-neck jumpsuit, and it's shorter than your average hot pants. And hot pants are very short to begin with. Of course she has the legs, etc., but this is too revealing. I would complain about it being a jumpsuit- and I do complain (it's a fricking JUMPSUIT!)- but then, what if it were a mini-dress? At least, this way she won't have any Britney moments, even if she will be dealing with some major camel toe the entire night.

I might be in the minority, but I love Rihanna's super-short hair, and her berry lips. Her shoes are fab, of course. But I can never forgive this belted, feathered- look at the sleeves!- monstrosity.

Sienna Miller

Wow. There's a lot going on here, Sienna.

Grey cap, black leggings (or tights, I hope), tan croc-skin boots, a loud black/orange/silver patterned top, a black bag, and a fur wrap. It's almost bearable in a "so-good-it's-bad" kind of way.

Almost, but not quite. It's just bad. Not even wacky Ms. Miller can get away with this mismatched palette of colors, textures, and confusion.

Scroll down for the year's worst-dressed nominees. Remember, you only have 2 days left to vote!

Kimberly Stewart

I've been saving this picture to share on a rainy day (read: no hideous celebrity disasters to speak of), so it's not particularly recent. Still, this sort of horror is timeless, no?


I must be honest: I'm confused. The boots are nice, but the dress...what is going on? It's like an innocent little lime-green pinafore sprouted long, frightening black hair. Lime green and green are always risky together, but this sort of...fringe, if you can call it that, is just plain scary. And I do like her bob and the general idea of her outfit; I like flapper-style fringe dresses in most cases. But some things are just meant to stay in the dark, scary recesses of your closet. Forever.

Ashlee Simpson and Fashion Poirot News!

Let's start with the exciting news: I want you, my readers, to scroll through the Fashion Poirot archives and nominate what you thought was the worst outfit I ever posted in the comments section of this post. Then, we'll have a special post and a poll to decide the worst outfit of the year, (or, since September, since that's when F.P. started) and the official winner- or, rather, loser- will be announced on Dec. 31!

Now, to business: Ashlee Simpson.

I'll be honest: I don't really get all of the fuss about her. Her style isn't particularly unique, her voice isn't spectacular, and she's sort of generically good-looking. Perhaps I'm a little confused as to why anyone would choose to have cosmetic surgery at such a young age.

Anyway, this outfit is bearable. It isn't horrible. It doesn't burn my eyes. But it does raise a couple of questions. I really have no problem with the jeans, tank, and boots, though I wish she'd gone for a little for color. But arm warmers? No. They're very hard to pull off, and Ashlee just doesn't fit the bill. I think the little scarf could look amazing- with a similarly high-fashion outfit. As it is, she just looks as though she put it on as an afterthought. But it totally contradicts the punk-like, monochromatic, rebellious tank/jeans/boots combo.

Ah well. Happy holidays, everyone! And don't forget those nominees!

Monique Coleman

Having never seen High School Musical 2 (again! I know.) , or for that matter, H.S.M. 1, I don't know much about Monique Coleman. Perhaps her vocals rival those of Aretha, or her acting will win her an Oscar someday soon.

She won't be winning any fashion awards on my watch, anyway.


Monique is not a stick-thin Hollywood waif, and thank god, because we have enough of those already. However, there is such a thing as flattering oneself, which she doesn't seem to have heard of. Also, there is such a thing as a dress, and there is such a thing as a shirt. Usually, "shirts" are worn with pants or a skirt under them. This garment seems to be edging into crotch-flashing, you-better-be-wearing-panties territory. Not to mention the hideous print. It's like a fashion Rorschach test: you can analyze your fashion sanity by measuring how revolted you are by it. And the shoes...tan? Really? Having already boldly- and stupidly- bypassed all logic and combined pink and black with white, she adds tan granny-colored shoes? I'm too sickened to speak...

Thandie Newton

Ok, Thandie. Moment of truth here. You're very cute. It takes a certain amount of cuteness to get me to sit through movies like The Truth About Charlie (and, admittedly, a certain amount of Mark Wahlberg as well). And you're British, which makes you even cuter.

But WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD?


And don't try to fool us. Something of a rather sordid nature DID occur. Either you have a very bizarre gangrene-like rosette-laden infection sprouting from your scalp- in which case you need to get yourself to an ER right now- or you got hit in the noggin with something rather heavy, causing temporary blindness and inability to see what you were putting on your head. In any case, you need to see a doctor immediately.

(By the way, I rather like your outfit; the red and black are sort of saucy, but the coat is demure. I wish you'd gone for a red lip instead, but I don't think makeup should be high on your list of worries right now, so I wasn't going to mention it.)

Jennifer Connelly

Oh, Jennifer, why must you do this to me? I love you, I really do. You're so talented and pretty...and yet:

Admittedly, this is not the worst thing ever seen on Fashion Poirot. What concerns me is that recently you've been leaning towards very fashion-forward ensembles that don't quite translate so well from the runway to the red carpet. Or, you know. Black carpet, in this case. I think the sash-like thing is the worst part; it looks woven. As in, woven baskets. And the ruffles are just too disorganized; rather than flowing serenely, they just sort of stick out limply.

Sigh. This dress almost worked. Almost.

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Aw, man. This is no fun for me, because I think Maggie is kinda awesome. She doesn't have the typical Hollywood look, and she's a great actress, too. But this...isn't so great.



This looks like something that might have worked in theory. Or maybe not. There's just so much going on. The feathers are definitely scary; add the sequins, and you have a sort of cave-woman/flapper blend that seems pretty disturbing. The satin part looks weird around her midriff. And for the love of god, why, why did she go and pair it with red booties?!?! RED!

Maggie Q

I love animals. I love animal societies, and people who are part of them. Really, I do.

But being kind to other species does not permit being this cruel to the eyes and computer screens of your own species, Maggie.


Yes, I know, you're part of the whole new sell-kindness-with-sex thing. I get it. But WE CAN SEE YOUR BRA. ALL OF IT. Plus, I don't like the rosettes on your shoes. I'm fine with sexy clothes...but wardrobe malfunctions? Or, at least, what appear to be wardrobe malfunctions? No.

Most amusing, I think, is that this party is called the Lint Roller Party. Lint roller? Really?

CMA Terror: Part 1

This is the first post detailing what I can only describe as CMA Terror.

Apparently, Sheryl Crow didn't learn from our past encounter:


At first, I thought that those lazy bastards at People.com had cheated and used an old photo. Then I saw the sign behind her that said CMA.

Ok, Sheryl, let's make this clear. You are not a gothic priestess. You aren't even Avril Lavigne. The wide-legged suit would have looked odd, but the long jacket? The numerous crosses? You're about one step away from boycotting the shower and becoming the third Olsen triplet. Don't do that.

Sheryl Crow

I know this picture is a little old, but I couldn't resist.

What is going on here, Sheryl? I love the boots, but the compliments stop here. Black pants and top would be fine. A touch monochromatic, but I can see what you're going for. But what's that glittering thing you've randomly swathed yourself in? And the fur vest? If it's real, that's animal cruelty in addition to visual cruelty. It's inhumane to subject people to this kind of melange of mourning clothes gone seriously wrong.

P.S. I don't like your jewelry. If you're going all-black, don't randomly throw some random, pale stuff in there.

P.P.S. Your makeup is flawless. (I'm trying to be positive here.)

Beyonce's Boots

Oh my. Those look a bit painful.

To be honest, these remind me of those brass knuckles that thugs/gangsters carry around to increase the productivity of their fists. To put it mildly. I mean, seriously. The heel curves inward and is ribbed like a conch shell. Why does Beyonce feel the need to terrorize us with these? I mean, some of her super-tight, shimmering, chain-mail style gowns have been scary enough. Just Jared informs us that Rihanna wore these earlier this summer. I'm beginning to feel unsafe. Is this how singers are going to exact revenge on us and paparazzi? Should we, the general public, hire bodyguards lest we be mauled by an angry chanteuse's boots? Are you as scared as I am?

Christina Ricci

Oh boy. This is bad.

I could actually live with the dress; it's simple but nice. The shoes are to die for. But the combination of black shoes, black hair, dark dress, black clutch, and dark lips makes Christina's whole outfit look scary and Halloween-ish. She's way too pale to carry this off, and since I don't believe she was going to a funeral, this is too much.

Do you agree?