Saturday, December 1, 2007

Julianne Moore

I love Julianne Moore. She's a great actress, and an absolutely stunning lady, especially when she sticks to her red-headed roots.

As far as I can recall, she always had a pretty hot figure, too. Not that you'd know from this dress.

I understand that not every dress has to be skin-tight, super-mini, and low-cut to be attractive...but this is verging on dowdy. And I hate the color combination. It's very 80's-beach-towel like. (Not that I still have any beach towels from the 80's. That would be...insane...)

Perhaps it's all on purpose. Let's start a rumor: (I want to be the first to say it): JULIANNE MOORE IS PREGNANT!!!

Hehehe. My evil work has been done.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Monique Coleman

Having never seen High School Musical 2 (again! I know.) , or for that matter, H.S.M. 1, I don't know much about Monique Coleman. Perhaps her vocals rival those of Aretha, or her acting will win her an Oscar someday soon.

She won't be winning any fashion awards on my watch, anyway.

Monique is not a stick-thin Hollywood waif, and thank god, because we have enough of those already. However, there is such a thing as flattering oneself, which she doesn't seem to have heard of. Also, there is such a thing as a dress, and there is such a thing as a shirt. Usually, "shirts" are worn with pants or a skirt under them. This garment seems to be edging into crotch-flashing, you-better-be-wearing-panties territory. Not to mention the hideous print. It's like a fashion Rorschach test: you can analyze your fashion sanity by measuring how revolted you are by it. And the shoes...tan? Really? Having already boldly- and stupidly- bypassed all logic and combined pink and black with white, she adds tan granny-colored shoes? I'm too sickened to speak...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ashley Tisdale

Ugh. Lately, I feel like Fashion Poirot has turned into High-School-Musical-Poirot. (Zac Efron, anyone?). But I really can't pass up something like this.

This is terrible. Awful. It's a real corset- with ties in the back and everything. I truly feel that corsets should be reserved for period dramas set in the Victorian Era, or for the privacy of your own bedroom. But this one goes farther than that: it's sparkly and multi-colored. And layered over a black tank. And paired with hideous shoes that might have looked good on paper...but ended up awful on poor Ashley's feet.

On a side note, though, those are some fab jeans. But I think it might be time for another visit to the hair salon, no?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Paris Hilton


No amount of squats and other butt-enhancing exercises can save this outfit. It is doomed to the sad halls of memorably bad fashion. Along with Paris herself, of course.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Zac Efron, AGAIN!

Ok, Zac. I was ready to give you a second chance. But we don't tolerate repeat offenders here at Fashion Poirot.

You're going to JAIL!!!

(Or at least, F.P.'s equivalent. We will never speak of you again.)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Fanny Lu

Yes, I'm back! Forgive me for that long Thanksgiving interlude; I was so full that I could not even stand up for 4 DAYS. Blame the turkeys.

Or, you know, blame Fanny Lu. She's certainly guilty of some terrible fashion crimes. Seriously:

I must be honest. The real reason I haven't posted in a while is that I couldn't find enough badly dressed celebrities! Bizarre, right? I had to venture all the way into People en Espagnol to find this terrifying pic of Fanny, who is apparently a Columbian singer. I'll take their word on that. Here, she's dressed more like a stripper at a corporate-themed bachelor party: cropped belly vest (I might have made that up, but that's the only term for this thing), formal short-shorts, an incongruous newsboy cap, and open-toed lace-up booties. Which is a sacrilege, as far as I'm concerned, because I adore lace-up booties. Just...not these. I have to admit that Fanny has great hair, and her legs and abs seem to be in fine shape. As we can clearly see. Because they're almost entirely on display. Which is kinda the problem.