CMA Terror: Part 1

This is the first post detailing what I can only describe as CMA Terror.

Apparently, Sheryl Crow didn't learn from our past encounter:


At first, I thought that those lazy bastards at People.com had cheated and used an old photo. Then I saw the sign behind her that said CMA.

Ok, Sheryl, let's make this clear. You are not a gothic priestess. You aren't even Avril Lavigne. The wide-legged suit would have looked odd, but the long jacket? The numerous crosses? You're about one step away from boycotting the shower and becoming the third Olsen triplet. Don't do that.

Fergie

Ah, irony. That Fergie wore this to an event honoring the great Armani.



I wish I had a bigger photo. It's essentially styled like a towel- you know, like when you wrap it around your indecent bits and wonder if, hypothetically, it would make a cute minidress. If it were made by, say, Armani. But this takes the look a touch farther- notice the bizarre silver fringe. Which should never have seen the light of day.

Most amusing is her hair. It's as if she got the memo that voluptuous, soft waves would be in for fall, and decided to rock the look- FERGIE-STYLE! As it is, her hair looks disturbingly like the love child of an over-sized hair crimper and a lot of hairspray. And really, nobody wants to look like that.

Britney Spears

I feel like a sell-out.

Really. But you have to forgive me. Today was simply rotten. There were practically no faint-worthy fashion disasters! I paused over Celine Dion's chain-mail-like dress, and only the fact that she's so cute and pregnant stopped me from commenting on Christina Aguilera's sheer shirt.

Not to worry. I can always take the Britney route on slow days.



Will she never learn? Really? It's kind of ironic to say that her bra's showing, considering that fact that her top IS lingerie anyway. And the hair? It's like my old Barbie doll, after I decided to "dye" her hair with crayons. The trouble was, the wax got caught in her hair and it turned into a messy pile of sludge. And, on a more nit-picky note, why sunglasses? It's NOVEMBER!!! It's COLD!

I realize that in California it's probably not cold at all. But what, am I not allowed to be insanely jealous while I freeze?

Leighton Meister

I have never watched Gossip Girl, and don't really plan on doing so. Yeah, my teen loves it, and it's been hailed by critics (well, sort of), but I just don't see why I should care about snobby, bitchy New York teens.

Unless, of course, they wear stuff like this on the show:


Did her stylist drink some of that- Roberto Cavalli vodka? No, that can't be right- that's being advertised behind Leighton? This is a nightie. Lingerie. Sheer, sexy stuff, that's either been cruelly shredded by an angry Victoria's Secret employee...or has gotten into a fight with said employee's pet. A pet that sheds a lot of fur. And no, the fact that her shoes may or may not be kind of cute in a futuristic kind of way does not excuse this. I don't care if her boyfriend has a sexy-Big-Foot-costume fetish*. Save our eyes.

*I have never actually seen a sexy Big Foot costume, nor have I ever met anyone with a fetish for them. But I assume this would be very close to their ideal.