Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thandie Newton

Ok, Thandie. Moment of truth here. You're very cute. It takes a certain amount of cuteness to get me to sit through movies like The Truth About Charlie (and, admittedly, a certain amount of Mark Wahlberg as well). And you're British, which makes you even cuter.


And don't try to fool us. Something of a rather sordid nature DID occur. Either you have a very bizarre gangrene-like rosette-laden infection sprouting from your scalp- in which case you need to get yourself to an ER right now- or you got hit in the noggin with something rather heavy, causing temporary blindness and inability to see what you were putting on your head. In any case, you need to see a doctor immediately.

(By the way, I rather like your outfit; the red and black are sort of saucy, but the coat is demure. I wish you'd gone for a red lip instead, but I don't think makeup should be high on your list of worries right now, so I wasn't going to mention it.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Debra Messing

Ah, irony. Poor Debra's last name makes her so terribly susceptible to puns and cracks about "Messing is messy!" and the like.

But really, when somebody leaves the house looking like this, they're just asking for it:

Once again, this is so bad, I don't even need to say much. The dress. Even JustJared described it as "one size fits all". The flip-flops I can grudgingly excuse- they are easy to slip off at the airport. But the turban?! It's almost as if she was purposely screwing with airport security, hoping that sometime today we would see a headline proclaiming "Debra mistaken for homeless bum at LAX" or something like that. Don't try it again, Debra. Please. Save our poor eyes.

Monday, November 19, 2007

American Music Awards Terror: Rihanna

Recently, Rihanna has been irking me. She often dresses quite elegantly, and she's nothing if not fashion-forwards...but I find myself wishing that she would dress her age, sometimes. She's only 19! There's no need for medieval torture devices like this:

To be completely fair, I don't see how this could work at any age. It's almost like Armani (yes, this is Armani) got lazy with the bodice. Or Rihanna forgot to pull it up. Actually, the more I stare at it, the more it looks like a vest. This was supposed to be a sexy, blinged-out boardroom ensemble! Only Rihanna spilled ketchup on her shirt and was running late, so threw caution- and her bra- to the winds, and decided to do without. The skirt's pretty bad, too, and I don't even want to see a close-up of that mini-glove on her right hand.

Worst of all, her shoes are utterly adorable.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Jude Law

Just when I started wondering when material for a mens' fashion post would appear, Jude Law came along.

I am ashamed to admit that this is a man who I once considered sexy. No, really. And now...well, do I even need to say much? Black skinny pants and sloppy shoes on the red carpet. With a wilted tee that shows way too much chest for a once-respectable actor. I blind, or is his jacket fashionably adorned with specks of something indeterminable? Or is it just unwashed? I don't even want to mention his hair, or his bizarre hair and bulging eyes and weird facial expressions. But, seriously:

Take note, guys. DO NOT TURN INTO JUDE LAW. Ever. For the sake of this entire planet.

Nasty Comments

I'm really sorry that I have to mention this, but recently there have been several nasty, personal, offensive comments popping up. Anonymously, of course. Although I moderate all comments, these messages are truly hurtful and unkind. (Before I turned on moderation, one suggested that my family's illnesses were a godsend, because I'd finally shut up.). I understand that not everybody's going to agree with a merciless humor blog, but I would like to suggest that if you truly cannot stand my blog and are not being forced to read it! I love hearing honest opinions- if you disagree with my critique, please comment about it! I'm addressing this post only to the posters of hateful comments who don't even mention fashion or clothes. For my awesome, nice readers- that would be most of you!- I'm sorry for this interruption. The truth is, if the bad comments continue, I might have to disable comments completely. And I don't want to do that! (This happened to one of my favorite blogs, Go Fug Yourself...for at least a year now, comments have been disabled completely.)

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