Kelly Rowland

In theory, this is a pretty nice look. I adore the shoes, and who can dislike short, gold, sequined dresses? And yet.

It's just so short and so low-cut and so sequined and so gold. It's literally blinding me. And sure, she has the body to pull it off...but it's crossing the line between "sexy" and "slutty" for me. Just a little bit. Or maybe not. For once, I'm truly undecided, because she looks so pretty...but it's so revealing...What do you think?

Fergie

Dearest Fergie,


We get it, already. You think you're hot. We should too. You bear absolutely zero, zero, ZERO resemblance to a man. But there are more subtle ways of sending such messages. This looks like a Victorian torture instrument-like corset gone very wrong. Especially with that chain-mail bag...it's all very Spanish Inquisition. I'm a little bit scared, actually. You're a walking Iron Maiden. And you're frightening everybody around you.

American Music Awards Terror: Rihanna

Recently, Rihanna has been irking me. She often dresses quite elegantly, and she's nothing if not fashion-forwards...but I find myself wishing that she would dress her age, sometimes. She's only 19! There's no need for medieval torture devices like this:


To be completely fair, I don't see how this could work at any age. It's almost like Armani (yes, this is Armani) got lazy with the bodice. Or Rihanna forgot to pull it up. Actually, the more I stare at it, the more it looks like a vest. This was supposed to be a sexy, blinged-out boardroom ensemble! Only Rihanna spilled ketchup on her shirt and was running late, so threw caution- and her bra- to the winds, and decided to do without. The skirt's pretty bad, too, and I don't even want to see a close-up of that mini-glove on her right hand.

Worst of all, her shoes are utterly adorable.

SPECIAL POST: Lisa Edelstein

Sigh. This hurts me deeply. I LOVE Lisa; I love House, I love her character, I think she looks great...but...



YOU'RE NOT 5 YEARS OLD, LISA. Don't look so darn happy. You're wearing a cutesy party frock that, I admit, would look darling on a toddler (albeit in a smaller size, I hope), but you have killer curves! I know; I watch House! Can't you inject just a little bit of Dr. Cuddy's high heeled, tight skirted, high cleavage-d sexiness into this outfit? We sorely miss your waist. And why, why did you pair it with demure black flats? You sadden me, Lisa. Try harder next time, ok? Please.

Maggie Q

I love animals. I love animal societies, and people who are part of them. Really, I do.

But being kind to other species does not permit being this cruel to the eyes and computer screens of your own species, Maggie.


Yes, I know, you're part of the whole new sell-kindness-with-sex thing. I get it. But WE CAN SEE YOUR BRA. ALL OF IT. Plus, I don't like the rosettes on your shoes. I'm fine with sexy clothes...but wardrobe malfunctions? Or, at least, what appear to be wardrobe malfunctions? No.

Most amusing, I think, is that this party is called the Lint Roller Party. Lint roller? Really?

Paris Hilton

I know, I know, what should I expect? Paris Hilton's Halloween costume was never going to be classy. I understand that.



But what INFURIATES me is that she had the GALL to say that she is "supporting our troops" with her "patriotic" costume.

Excusez-moi?

Listen to me, Paris, darling. Sweetie. Honey. Your costume is not patriotic. It's slutty, stupid, revealing, and worst of all, offensive.

Capiche?