Pamela Anderson

Aw, Pam. You never really were one for the whole understated, subtle look.

No, please don't hitch your dress up any higher. It's okay. We get what you're trying to say; yes, you still have legs and breasts. Usually the idea of a cut-out neckline is for a sort of peep-hole effect. But here, the effect is more of Pam cutting out a huge chunk of her dress and draping the excess material around her neck. And gluing on a big tag proclaiming "CHANEL" onto her dress. Because I know all designers come up with some wacky stuff, but they usually refrain from attaching their names to their clothing by way of huge, ill-fitting signs.

In any case, I would hesitate before decisively linking my name to such a fashion monstrosity...but that's just me.

Come back later tonight for the officially worst celebrity outfit of 2007, as chosen by you, the readers.

Sheryl Crow

I know this picture is a little old, but I couldn't resist.

What is going on here, Sheryl? I love the boots, but the compliments stop here. Black pants and top would be fine. A touch monochromatic, but I can see what you're going for. But what's that glittering thing you've randomly swathed yourself in? And the fur vest? If it's real, that's animal cruelty in addition to visual cruelty. It's inhumane to subject people to this kind of melange of mourning clothes gone seriously wrong.

P.S. I don't like your jewelry. If you're going all-black, don't randomly throw some random, pale stuff in there.

P.P.S. Your makeup is flawless. (I'm trying to be positive here.)

Courtney Love

I know this photo is a couple of days old, but for this kind of crime against humanity, better late than never:

If this wasn't Courtney Love, it would take me a couple of minutes to figure out. "Is she actually wearing a leopard print coat, skirt and boots? With opaque black tights? And was an actual leopard in the vicinity so offended by her ensemble that it gnashed of the entire hemline of her coat?" I would have asked.

As it is, I'm more amused, especially by the fact that the woman behind her (the one wearing striped black and white tights with booties and what seem to be...capris?) looks as if even she disapproves of Courtney's look. If you can call it that.

Britney Spears

I honestly feel guilty calling out Britney nowadays, what with the lost custody battle and all. But still...

...this is too bad to ignore. Both outfits, actually. I could live with the belly shirt (I can't believe I'm typing this) because, at the very least, her abs look good. Superficial, I know. But the second outfit...jeez. WE CAN SEE YOUR PRETTY RED BRIEFS, BRITNEY. That is not a dress. And the hat...oh dear, the hat. We get it: Cowboy hats and boots are her signature look. But, seriously, can't she change it up once in a while, at least?

Beyonce's Boots

Oh my. Those look a bit painful.

To be honest, these remind me of those brass knuckles that thugs/gangsters carry around to increase the productivity of their fists. To put it mildly. I mean, seriously. The heel curves inward and is ribbed like a conch shell. Why does Beyonce feel the need to terrorize us with these? I mean, some of her super-tight, shimmering, chain-mail style gowns have been scary enough. Just Jared informs us that Rihanna wore these earlier this summer. I'm beginning to feel unsafe. Is this how singers are going to exact revenge on us and paparazzi? Should we, the general public, hire bodyguards lest we be mauled by an angry chanteuse's boots? Are you as scared as I am?