Kate Bosworth

Today, when I was scouting for new fashion victims- or criminals, as I prefer to think of them- I came across this photo of Kate, along with the interesting tidbit that she has heterochromia- in other words, one blue eye and one hazel eye.

That got me thinking, "Maybe she has some other dangerous, undiagnosed eye condition. Like... can't-see-her-clothes-itis, a.k.a. fashion blindness?"



Because I refuse to believe that a sane person with normal vision would willingly go out in public in this. As it so often happens, the concept was intriguing, but the result was disgusting. The little sleeve on her right shoulder looks more like a malignant growth (this post is ending up very medicine-oriented), and the folds across the stomach totally skew her petite, almost-too-thin figure.

I think the material of this dress truly bothers me; it bears an uncanny resemblance to cheap vinyl, the kind that you usually see rotting in sleazy restaurant booths. And although I like her hair, makeup, and clutch, her shoes seem just a tad heavy and aggressive. Or maybe it's just the nasty, cold weather here in Ohio that makes me bitter each time I see some dainty starlet wearing open-toed shoes.

Rachel Bilson

Oh, no! Rachel! You can be so cute sometimes, and yet...



Stop smiling. Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is fashion week. You can't just knot one of the hotel towels around your neck and call it a dress. Dresses have shape. And even if they are fluid and loose, they drape gracefully. They don't stiffly sag down the front because the odd neck-brace-like contraption at the top is making weird creases. I also take issue with the black stripe on said neck brace. From afar, it looks like a very, very, very obvious bra slip. I hope it doesn't become a fad; Britney-chic is not my favorite look.

Anyway, Rachel, try wearing real clothes next time. You didn't fool anybody. And I am NOT going to mention how cute you look in that color, and how great your shoes and toenails look, and how your makeup is perfect...oh, rats. I just did.

Nelly Furtado

Oh, dear. I guess she's a little on the spacey side, eh?



"Oh crap!" she seems to be saying, "I totally forgot about my shirt! I'll just pretend that my bra is a fashion statement."

Perhaps the extremely heavy, painful-looking thing around her neck cut off the circulation to her brain while she was getting dressed. Maybe we're lucky she didn't faint and cancel her performance.

On the other hand, maybe we're not so lucky after all.

Britney Spears

Today, while searching for a new victim, I found a picture of Cate Blanchett wearing the most hideous fuzzy, furry pumps I have ever seen. Actually, they were the first fuzzy, furry pumps I had ever seen. I was horrified, of course. I love- no, I ADORE Cate, and I just posted about her! Who could save me from the pain of calling out one of my favorite actresses not once, but twice?

Why, Britney, of course:



Perfect. That is simply perfect. An ill-fitting, bland, floral romper over a red bra, accompanied by a hot pink bag? Cate, you are forgiven- FOR NOW. (But I'm warning you. One more misstep and I'll be forced to post again.) In the meantime, we can only pray that Britney keeps fashioning clothing out of old curtains she found in the nursing home's dumpster. She is the godsend of all those badly dressed celebrities out there; no matter how bad they look, she looks worse.

Cate Blanchett

This hurts me. It really does.


I love Cate. I truly adore her. I think that she's a wonderful actress and one of the most elegant ladies in Hollywood. However...she can't quite pull this off.

I understand the mystical sari-esque look she was going for. But the patch of dark sequins sort of ruins it, and those clear plastic shoes make me shudder. Cate: your figure is much too lovely to be swathed in billowing heaps of fabric like this! This is a look that I would reserve for pregnant ladies only. Do you agree?

Kate Walsh

I know, this isn't that bad. Actually, the individual items of clothing look pretty nice. But would you dress like this to your wedding reception:

I mean, the dress is fine, but it looks like a beach-y maxi-dress you might wear to lounge lazily in the sun. And the sandals peeking out? What annoys me most, though, is her hair. I understand that this is probably a carefully contrived "sexy-messy" look, but to me, it just looks messy. Maybe some small, tiny part of me is offended by the fact of her wearing bare shoulders and sandals on the last day of September- in my part of the world, just looking at her makes me shiver.

Christina Ricci

Oh boy. This is bad.

I could actually live with the dress; it's simple but nice. The shoes are to die for. But the combination of black shoes, black hair, dark dress, black clutch, and dark lips makes Christina's whole outfit look scary and Halloween-ish. She's way too pale to carry this off, and since I don't believe she was going to a funeral, this is too much.

Do you agree?