Claire Danes

Don't get me wrong, this dress is quite lovely.

But it's amazingly unflattering on Claire. This shade is the worst shade possible; it matches both her skin and her hair, and washes her out terribly. The length makes it rather dowdy, and the overlapping bodice looks just a little odd. So I applaud your effort, Claire, but go for something that doesn't make you look like a beige ghost next time. Please!

SPECIAL POST: Jennifer Morrison

As faithful and thorough readers of Fashion Poirot know, I have a weakness for the show House, and its cast. Thus, whenever I am obligated to critique their fashion missteps, I feel the need to address it in a "SPECIAL POST". I don't know why. It just makes me feel less harsh. And I like seeing these under-appreciated actors get special treatment (they lost at the Globes!), as they so rarely do.


Why, Jen? Why must you do this to me? I'm only too ready to sing Dr. Cameron's praises when the rest of the world calls her a sniveling little girl, and for the most part, I've loved your recent fashion transformation. For the most part.



I love the makeup. I've gotten used to the hair. But the dress! If it were figure-hugging and mini, it would be a nice shimmery dress. But it's loose and drape-y with those odd sleeves that try and fail to be flapper-esque. It washes you out and the neckline cuts off your long neck, while the below-the-knee length and granny shoes (that don't match) make it even more dowdy. This is like a bad parody of the knock-out silver dress you wore to the Emmys! Come on, Jennifer. You can do better than this.

Ashlee Simpson and Fashion Poirot News!

Let's start with the exciting news: I want you, my readers, to scroll through the Fashion Poirot archives and nominate what you thought was the worst outfit I ever posted in the comments section of this post. Then, we'll have a special post and a poll to decide the worst outfit of the year, (or, since September, since that's when F.P. started) and the official winner- or, rather, loser- will be announced on Dec. 31!

Now, to business: Ashlee Simpson.

I'll be honest: I don't really get all of the fuss about her. Her style isn't particularly unique, her voice isn't spectacular, and she's sort of generically good-looking. Perhaps I'm a little confused as to why anyone would choose to have cosmetic surgery at such a young age.

Anyway, this outfit is bearable. It isn't horrible. It doesn't burn my eyes. But it does raise a couple of questions. I really have no problem with the jeans, tank, and boots, though I wish she'd gone for a little for color. But arm warmers? No. They're very hard to pull off, and Ashlee just doesn't fit the bill. I think the little scarf could look amazing- with a similarly high-fashion outfit. As it is, she just looks as though she put it on as an afterthought. But it totally contradicts the punk-like, monochromatic, rebellious tank/jeans/boots combo.

Ah well. Happy holidays, everyone! And don't forget those nominees!

Lindsey Lohan

I truly feel sorry for Lindsey, more than any other screwed-up celebrity: after all, she's just a girl! My daughter idolized her after the Parent Trap! And now...in rehab, out rehab, drunk driving, cocaine, etc...it's depressing. At least I think- hope- that's she's starting to pull her life back together a little bit.

That's why I no longer feel too guilty to comment on her outfits. Like this:

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll ever like shiny leggings. Especially these, which look disturbingly like tights from some angles. Speaking of disturbing, is it just me or is Lindsey a little bit orange? Scratch that, she's very orange and it's freaking me out. There should be a law prohibiting people from buying more than 1 bottle of self-tanner at a time; perhaps there would be less Oompa-Loopa look-a-likes in this world.

As a side note, I love her shoes and bag, and have no problem with the shirt. But the hair...don't we have enough troubled Hollywood blonds already?

Gwen Stefani

Dearest Gwen,


I love your makeup. Your makeup is great. It's terrific. It's...

I can't bear it anymore. I'll explode. YOUR HAIR IS STUPID! I had hair like that at the age of 3. I haven't forgiven my parents yet. Your eyeliner may be perfect, and your lips might be that elusive ideal shade of red, but none of that matters. You look like you have little broccoli sprouting all over your head.

A word of warning: this is not the best look for anyone. If Gwen Stefani can't pull it off, nobody can.

SPECIAL POST: Jennifer Morrison

Oh, Jen! No! Don't do this to me! I love you on House. I love your character, and I'm sort of beginning to warm to the blond hair and the retro old-Hollywood feel you've been channeling at all of the awards shows this fall. But this...


I think that in your heart, you know that this is a bad look for you. The dress could be so cute...and then it has to finish with a furry bodice? It's probably just velvety, but it looks furry. Judging from your facial expressions in all of the photos, you're pretty doubtful. And with good reason. You can wear a fur wrap over a dress, sure...but as part of a dress?

And right after this fiasco, too:


Be warned, Jennifer. (Yes, more stern now). Fashion Poirot still loves you. But if you keep dressing like this, that might just change...

Kate Bosworth

Today, when I was scouting for new fashion victims- or criminals, as I prefer to think of them- I came across this photo of Kate, along with the interesting tidbit that she has heterochromia- in other words, one blue eye and one hazel eye.

That got me thinking, "Maybe she has some other dangerous, undiagnosed eye condition. Like... can't-see-her-clothes-itis, a.k.a. fashion blindness?"



Because I refuse to believe that a sane person with normal vision would willingly go out in public in this. As it so often happens, the concept was intriguing, but the result was disgusting. The little sleeve on her right shoulder looks more like a malignant growth (this post is ending up very medicine-oriented), and the folds across the stomach totally skew her petite, almost-too-thin figure.

I think the material of this dress truly bothers me; it bears an uncanny resemblance to cheap vinyl, the kind that you usually see rotting in sleazy restaurant booths. And although I like her hair, makeup, and clutch, her shoes seem just a tad heavy and aggressive. Or maybe it's just the nasty, cold weather here in Ohio that makes me bitter each time I see some dainty starlet wearing open-toed shoes.

CMA Terror: Part 1

This is the first post detailing what I can only describe as CMA Terror.

Apparently, Sheryl Crow didn't learn from our past encounter:


At first, I thought that those lazy bastards at People.com had cheated and used an old photo. Then I saw the sign behind her that said CMA.

Ok, Sheryl, let's make this clear. You are not a gothic priestess. You aren't even Avril Lavigne. The wide-legged suit would have looked odd, but the long jacket? The numerous crosses? You're about one step away from boycotting the shower and becoming the third Olsen triplet. Don't do that.

Sheryl Crow

I know this picture is a little old, but I couldn't resist.

What is going on here, Sheryl? I love the boots, but the compliments stop here. Black pants and top would be fine. A touch monochromatic, but I can see what you're going for. But what's that glittering thing you've randomly swathed yourself in? And the fur vest? If it's real, that's animal cruelty in addition to visual cruelty. It's inhumane to subject people to this kind of melange of mourning clothes gone seriously wrong.

P.S. I don't like your jewelry. If you're going all-black, don't randomly throw some random, pale stuff in there.

P.P.S. Your makeup is flawless. (I'm trying to be positive here.)