Saturday, October 6, 2007

Courtney Love

I know this photo is a couple of days old, but for this kind of crime against humanity, better late than never:

If this wasn't Courtney Love, it would take me a couple of minutes to figure out. "Is she actually wearing a leopard print coat, skirt and boots? With opaque black tights? And was an actual leopard in the vicinity so offended by her ensemble that it gnashed of the entire hemline of her coat?" I would have asked.

As it is, I'm more amused, especially by the fact that the woman behind her (the one wearing striped black and white tights with booties and what seem to be...capris?) looks as if even she disapproves of Courtney's look. If you can call it that.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Nelly Furtado

Oh, dear. I guess she's a little on the spacey side, eh?

"Oh crap!" she seems to be saying, "I totally forgot about my shirt! I'll just pretend that my bra is a fashion statement."

Perhaps the extremely heavy, painful-looking thing around her neck cut off the circulation to her brain while she was getting dressed. Maybe we're lucky she didn't faint and cancel her performance.

On the other hand, maybe we're not so lucky after all.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Britney Spears

Today, while searching for a new victim, I found a picture of Cate Blanchett wearing the most hideous fuzzy, furry pumps I have ever seen. Actually, they were the first fuzzy, furry pumps I had ever seen. I was horrified, of course. I love- no, I ADORE Cate, and I just posted about her! Who could save me from the pain of calling out one of my favorite actresses not once, but twice?

Why, Britney, of course:

Perfect. That is simply perfect. An ill-fitting, bland, floral romper over a red bra, accompanied by a hot pink bag? Cate, you are forgiven- FOR NOW. (But I'm warning you. One more misstep and I'll be forced to post again.) In the meantime, we can only pray that Britney keeps fashioning clothing out of old curtains she found in the nursing home's dumpster. She is the godsend of all those badly dressed celebrities out there; no matter how bad they look, she looks worse.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Lauren Conrad

For once, I can honestly say that this isn't her fault at all, because it's a photo shoot. But I just had to share this monstrosity:

Is she seriously wearing a floppy, loose, terry-cloth self-belted romper over a bikini top? Are my eyes deceiving me? No, they are not. This wretched thing looks even worse in the other pictures; in one photo where Lauren's sitting down, she looks extremely bloated. Or pregnant. Maybe she's trying to start rumors in order to promote her show. (That's kind of clever, actually). But, seriously, you couldn't force me to wear this if my life depended on it. Really.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Cate Blanchett

This hurts me. It really does.

I love Cate. I truly adore her. I think that she's a wonderful actress and one of the most elegant ladies in Hollywood. However...she can't quite pull this off.

I understand the mystical sari-esque look she was going for. But the patch of dark sequins sort of ruins it, and those clear plastic shoes make me shudder. Cate: your figure is much too lovely to be swathed in billowing heaps of fabric like this! This is a look that I would reserve for pregnant ladies only. Do you agree?

Monday, October 1, 2007

Britney Spears

I honestly feel guilty calling out Britney nowadays, what with the lost custody battle and all. But still...

...this is too bad to ignore. Both outfits, actually. I could live with the belly shirt (I can't believe I'm typing this) because, at the very least, her abs look good. Superficial, I know. But the second outfit...jeez. WE CAN SEE YOUR PRETTY RED BRIEFS, BRITNEY. That is not a dress. And the hat...oh dear, the hat. We get it: Cowboy hats and boots are her signature look. But, seriously, can't she change it up once in a while, at least?

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Beyonce's Boots

Oh my. Those look a bit painful.

To be honest, these remind me of those brass knuckles that thugs/gangsters carry around to increase the productivity of their fists. To put it mildly. I mean, seriously. The heel curves inward and is ribbed like a conch shell. Why does Beyonce feel the need to terrorize us with these? I mean, some of her super-tight, shimmering, chain-mail style gowns have been scary enough. Just Jared informs us that Rihanna wore these earlier this summer. I'm beginning to feel unsafe. Is this how singers are going to exact revenge on us and paparazzi? Should we, the general public, hire bodyguards lest we be mauled by an angry chanteuse's boots? Are you as scared as I am?

Oh, Winona

I guess this isn't completely Winona's fault.

Never mind, it is. I mean, seriously, I think she might just be committing a real crime here, not just of fashion. I'm not sure what that fuzzy, furry, awful thing on the bottom of her coat is...and I'm don't really want to know.

Kate Walsh

I know, this isn't that bad. Actually, the individual items of clothing look pretty nice. But would you dress like this to your wedding reception:

I mean, the dress is fine, but it looks like a beach-y maxi-dress you might wear to lounge lazily in the sun. And the sandals peeking out? What annoys me most, though, is her hair. I understand that this is probably a carefully contrived "sexy-messy" look, but to me, it just looks messy. Maybe some small, tiny part of me is offended by the fact of her wearing bare shoulders and sandals on the last day of September- in my part of the world, just looking at her makes me shiver.

Christina Ricci

Oh boy. This is bad.

I could actually live with the dress; it's simple but nice. The shoes are to die for. But the combination of black shoes, black hair, dark dress, black clutch, and dark lips makes Christina's whole outfit look scary and Halloween-ish. She's way too pale to carry this off, and since I don't believe she was going to a funeral, this is too much.

Do you agree?