Fergie

Dearest Fergie,


We get it, already. You think you're hot. We should too. You bear absolutely zero, zero, ZERO resemblance to a man. But there are more subtle ways of sending such messages. This looks like a Victorian torture instrument-like corset gone very wrong. Especially with that chain-mail bag...it's all very Spanish Inquisition. I'm a little bit scared, actually. You're a walking Iron Maiden. And you're frightening everybody around you.

Jude Law

Just when I started wondering when material for a mens' fashion post would appear, Jude Law came along.


I am ashamed to admit that this is a man who I once considered sexy. No, really. And now...well, do I even need to say much? Black skinny pants and sloppy shoes on the red carpet. With a wilted tee that shows way too much chest for a once-respectable actor. And...am I blind, or is his jacket fashionably adorned with specks of something indeterminable? Or is it just unwashed? I don't even want to mention his hair, or his bizarre hair and bulging eyes and weird facial expressions. But, seriously:


Take note, guys. DO NOT TURN INTO JUDE LAW. Ever. For the sake of this entire planet.

Britney Spears

Today, while searching for a new victim, I found a picture of Cate Blanchett wearing the most hideous fuzzy, furry pumps I have ever seen. Actually, they were the first fuzzy, furry pumps I had ever seen. I was horrified, of course. I love- no, I ADORE Cate, and I just posted about her! Who could save me from the pain of calling out one of my favorite actresses not once, but twice?

Why, Britney, of course:



Perfect. That is simply perfect. An ill-fitting, bland, floral romper over a red bra, accompanied by a hot pink bag? Cate, you are forgiven- FOR NOW. (But I'm warning you. One more misstep and I'll be forced to post again.) In the meantime, we can only pray that Britney keeps fashioning clothing out of old curtains she found in the nursing home's dumpster. She is the godsend of all those badly dressed celebrities out there; no matter how bad they look, she looks worse.

Britney Spears

I honestly feel guilty calling out Britney nowadays, what with the lost custody battle and all. But still...

...this is too bad to ignore. Both outfits, actually. I could live with the belly shirt (I can't believe I'm typing this) because, at the very least, her abs look good. Superficial, I know. But the second outfit...jeez. WE CAN SEE YOUR PRETTY RED BRIEFS, BRITNEY. That is not a dress. And the hat...oh dear, the hat. We get it: Cowboy hats and boots are her signature look. But, seriously, can't she change it up once in a while, at least?