Paris Hilton

Hey, Paris! Just 3 things I wanted to tell you...


Shoulder pads belong in the 80's and NOWHERE else, you need to cut your hair, and Dorothy wants her slippers back.

Paris Hilton

Ah, Paris. I love you, in that you make my job so easy. And I don't even feel bad for you, like I do for Britney.

Leopard-print dresses are hard to pull off. Leopard-print leggings should be pulled off of the legs of whoever wears them, immediately. Combined, the two create a spectacularly hideous combination. Bravo, Paris.

And, by the way, when they said metallics were hot for the holiday season, they didn't mean a gold clutch, bag, and coat paired with gold shoes. (And the jungle-themed disaster I mentioned previously).

Paris Hilton

FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, THAT IS NOT A DRESS.


No amount of squats and other butt-enhancing exercises can save this outfit. It is doomed to the sad halls of memorably bad fashion. Along with Paris herself, of course.

Paris Hilton

I know, I know, what should I expect? Paris Hilton's Halloween costume was never going to be classy. I understand that.



But what INFURIATES me is that she had the GALL to say that she is "supporting our troops" with her "patriotic" costume.

Excusez-moi?

Listen to me, Paris, darling. Sweetie. Honey. Your costume is not patriotic. It's slutty, stupid, revealing, and worst of all, offensive.

Capiche?