Elle Macpherson

Ok. I've read a lot already about how, "This is THE BODY! She can wear whatever she wants!". To which I promptly respond, "This is Fashion Poirot. Nobody is safe." Come on. She's wearing a completely untied black tie around her neck with a sheer white blouse that's almost totally unbuttoned to show her lacy black bra. YOU CAN'T GO OUT IN PUBLIC DRESSED LIKE THIS! This is the sort of sad sight you see every year at the office Christmas party, where someone gets COMPLETELY drunk and, well, you get the drift. The worst part is that Elle doesn't look drunk or confused. Meaning that she willingly put on- or rather, partly took off- this outfit and went to a photo op. Off to prison with you!

Victoria Beckham

Didn't Victoria wear a very similar design to a Spice Girls event last year?

And didn't everybody unanimously cry out, "VISIBLE BRAS ARE NOT STYLISH, EVEN IF THEY'RE MARC JACOBS!!!" ? So why did she choose to wear the same thing, only sequined and black? I understand the premise that one must take risks in order to be truly fashion-forward...but does that mean that walking around with our bras in plain view is the wave of the future? Already, Fashion Week has been dominated by sheer fabrics. Is this really what awaits us? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Rihanna

Rihanna truly has multiple personalities when it comes to style. One day, she can wear a classy yet painfully stylish gown, and the next day...

It's a jumpsuit. A black, lacy, turtle-neck jumpsuit, and it's shorter than your average hot pants. And hot pants are very short to begin with. Of course she has the legs, etc., but this is too revealing. I would complain about it being a jumpsuit- and I do complain (it's a fricking JUMPSUIT!)- but then, what if it were a mini-dress? At least, this way she won't have any Britney moments, even if she will be dealing with some major camel toe the entire night.

I might be in the minority, but I love Rihanna's super-short hair, and her berry lips. Her shoes are fab, of course. But I can never forgive this belted, feathered- look at the sleeves!- monstrosity.

Kelly Rowland

In theory, this is a pretty nice look. I adore the shoes, and who can dislike short, gold, sequined dresses? And yet.

It's just so short and so low-cut and so sequined and so gold. It's literally blinding me. And sure, she has the body to pull it off...but it's crossing the line between "sexy" and "slutty" for me. Just a little bit. Or maybe not. For once, I'm truly undecided, because she looks so pretty...but it's so revealing...What do you think?

Mariah Carey

I've heard tons about how this is her "signature look" and all, but seriously?

Nobody can look possibly look good in something this short and this tight and this low-cut. Usually people have the common sense to go for one of those attributes, or maybe two for an extra-sexy outfit. But when you're about to pop right out of your dress, it's usually a sign that you've taken it just a smidgen too far. Or, in Mariah's case, a heck-of-a-lot-more-than-a-smidgen too far.

Pamela Anderson

Aw, Pam. You never really were one for the whole understated, subtle look.

No, please don't hitch your dress up any higher. It's okay. We get what you're trying to say; yes, you still have legs and breasts. Usually the idea of a cut-out neckline is for a sort of peep-hole effect. But here, the effect is more of Pam cutting out a huge chunk of her dress and draping the excess material around her neck. And gluing on a big tag proclaiming "CHANEL" onto her dress. Because I know all designers come up with some wacky stuff, but they usually refrain from attaching their names to their clothing by way of huge, ill-fitting signs.

In any case, I would hesitate before decisively linking my name to such a fashion monstrosity...but that's just me.

Come back later tonight for the officially worst celebrity outfit of 2007, as chosen by you, the readers.

Rihanna

On the old Fashion Poirot, I once mentioned Rihanna's ballerina-gone-dominatrix concert outfit. I'd hoped that particular fashion disaster had been left in the past. Apparently not.

I just don't get it. Why? Why? God knows her songs aren't of the heavy-metal, ridiculously sexed-up kind- at least not all of them. Sexy is one thing, but this is way too much. At least she lost the tutu-like thing she had last time. I could handle the boots and arm warmers, but the corset/bra/hot pants/thing with all of the buckles and straps...is just plain disturbing.

And a pity, too, because off-stage, Rihanna dresses beautifully. So I can only assume that she has some wacko, deranged fashion consultant for concert wear only. A word of advice: FIRE HIM/HER IMMEDIATELY.

Unknown!

I don't know who this lady standing next to Ms. Hudgens is, but I do know that I hate her dress.


Even if you are in Miami, that's no reason to wear what amounts to a full-length swimsuit.

Paris Hilton

FOR GOD'S SAKE, WOMAN, THAT IS NOT A DRESS.


No amount of squats and other butt-enhancing exercises can save this outfit. It is doomed to the sad halls of memorably bad fashion. Along with Paris herself, of course.

Paris Hilton

I know, I know, what should I expect? Paris Hilton's Halloween costume was never going to be classy. I understand that.



But what INFURIATES me is that she had the GALL to say that she is "supporting our troops" with her "patriotic" costume.

Excusez-moi?

Listen to me, Paris, darling. Sweetie. Honey. Your costume is not patriotic. It's slutty, stupid, revealing, and worst of all, offensive.

Capiche?