Rihanna

Rihanna truly has multiple personalities when it comes to style. One day, she can wear a classy yet painfully stylish gown, and the next day...

It's a jumpsuit. A black, lacy, turtle-neck jumpsuit, and it's shorter than your average hot pants. And hot pants are very short to begin with. Of course she has the legs, etc., but this is too revealing. I would complain about it being a jumpsuit- and I do complain (it's a fricking JUMPSUIT!)- but then, what if it were a mini-dress? At least, this way she won't have any Britney moments, even if she will be dealing with some major camel toe the entire night.

I might be in the minority, but I love Rihanna's super-short hair, and her berry lips. Her shoes are fab, of course. But I can never forgive this belted, feathered- look at the sleeves!- monstrosity.

Kylie Minogue

Please, please, please tell me this is some sort of photo-shoot.

Unfortunately, People said it was the unveiling of her new home furnishings line. But I refuse to believe that Kylie would actually go out in public dressed like this. Actually, in an ideal world, nobody would ever go out in public dressed in what seems to be a a very short, white, strapless romper composed entirely of feathers, cinched by a huge black belt. Kylie has a great figure and all, but this is simply ridiculous. It looks like lingerie marketed towards ostrich fetishists. It's terrifying, and I hope to god that Kylie was forced to wear this, whether by demonic forces, stylists, or demonic stylists. Sadly, she probably chose this herself, and so I must spend the entire day weeping and running away from computer screens, to avoid seeing this horror.

Tyra Banks

I get that this is stylish and fashionable and brave...but it's also hideous and disturbing.

Oh, Tyra, why? The dress itself is odd enough, but the bizarre feathery accent placed over the bursting cleavage makes it ugly beyond belief. It's ill-fitting at the top and looks as if it's about to fall down- a terrifying thought, indeed. The hair and makeup are flawless, but the dress is inexcusable, Tyra. There's a fine line between fashion-forward and ridiculous, and I believe you've crossed it here.

Thandie Newton

Ok, Thandie. Moment of truth here. You're very cute. It takes a certain amount of cuteness to get me to sit through movies like The Truth About Charlie (and, admittedly, a certain amount of Mark Wahlberg as well). And you're British, which makes you even cuter.

But WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD?


And don't try to fool us. Something of a rather sordid nature DID occur. Either you have a very bizarre gangrene-like rosette-laden infection sprouting from your scalp- in which case you need to get yourself to an ER right now- or you got hit in the noggin with something rather heavy, causing temporary blindness and inability to see what you were putting on your head. In any case, you need to see a doctor immediately.

(By the way, I rather like your outfit; the red and black are sort of saucy, but the coat is demure. I wish you'd gone for a red lip instead, but I don't think makeup should be high on your list of worries right now, so I wasn't going to mention it.)