Repeat Offender: Rihanna

Repeat offender!

This is basically the opposite of that awful jumpsuit I derided recently. Rather than being slutty and short, it's long and high-necked with long sleeves. And that pattern! It makes her look quite wide, to be honest, and we all know that Rihanna is a seriously skinny girl. This dress hugs everywhere it needs to hang loosely, and hangs loosely everywhere it needs to hug. Speaking of hugs, I need a hug after all of this disillusionment with Rihanna lately. Rihanna, on the other hand, is getting a serious time-out for this atrocity.

Fergie

Dearest Fergie,


We get it, already. You think you're hot. We should too. You bear absolutely zero, zero, ZERO resemblance to a man. But there are more subtle ways of sending such messages. This looks like a Victorian torture instrument-like corset gone very wrong. Especially with that chain-mail bag...it's all very Spanish Inquisition. I'm a little bit scared, actually. You're a walking Iron Maiden. And you're frightening everybody around you.

Unknown!

I don't know who this lady standing next to Ms. Hudgens is, but I do know that I hate her dress.


Even if you are in Miami, that's no reason to wear what amounts to a full-length swimsuit.

Julianne Moore

I love Julianne Moore. She's a great actress, and an absolutely stunning lady, especially when she sticks to her red-headed roots.

As far as I can recall, she always had a pretty hot figure, too. Not that you'd know from this dress.

I understand that not every dress has to be skin-tight, super-mini, and low-cut to be attractive...but this is verging on dowdy. And I hate the color combination. It's very 80's-beach-towel like. (Not that I still have any beach towels from the 80's. That would be...insane...)

Perhaps it's all on purpose. Let's start a rumor: (I want to be the first to say it): JULIANNE MOORE IS PREGNANT!!!

Hehehe. My evil work has been done.