Kylie Minogue

Please, please, please tell me this is some sort of photo-shoot.

Unfortunately, People said it was the unveiling of her new home furnishings line. But I refuse to believe that Kylie would actually go out in public dressed like this. Actually, in an ideal world, nobody would ever go out in public dressed in what seems to be a a very short, white, strapless romper composed entirely of feathers, cinched by a huge black belt. Kylie has a great figure and all, but this is simply ridiculous. It looks like lingerie marketed towards ostrich fetishists. It's terrifying, and I hope to god that Kylie was forced to wear this, whether by demonic forces, stylists, or demonic stylists. Sadly, she probably chose this herself, and so I must spend the entire day weeping and running away from computer screens, to avoid seeing this horror.

Monique Coleman

Having never seen High School Musical 2 (again! I know.) , or for that matter, H.S.M. 1, I don't know much about Monique Coleman. Perhaps her vocals rival those of Aretha, or her acting will win her an Oscar someday soon.

She won't be winning any fashion awards on my watch, anyway.


Monique is not a stick-thin Hollywood waif, and thank god, because we have enough of those already. However, there is such a thing as flattering oneself, which she doesn't seem to have heard of. Also, there is such a thing as a dress, and there is such a thing as a shirt. Usually, "shirts" are worn with pants or a skirt under them. This garment seems to be edging into crotch-flashing, you-better-be-wearing-panties territory. Not to mention the hideous print. It's like a fashion Rorschach test: you can analyze your fashion sanity by measuring how revolted you are by it. And the shoes...tan? Really? Having already boldly- and stupidly- bypassed all logic and combined pink and black with white, she adds tan granny-colored shoes? I'm too sickened to speak...

Rachel Bilson

Hey, Rachel, what's the matter? You're very cute and all, but that does not mean that you can wear something like this without raising some serious questions.

Serious questions, like "Is that a really badly designed dress, or did she just randomly wrap herself in two complimentary pillowcases and belt them together, and hastily add some dollar-store bangles as jewelry?"

Sadly, I think the "badly designed dress" option is more likely, unless that girl has a lot of faith in the staying power (or rather, staying-decent-power) of loose, drape-y, unconnected things. At least her shoes are nice.