Academy Awards Terror: Rebecca Miller

It's taken me a while to work up the nerve to subject my readers' eyes to this terror...but I feel that this sort of crime cannot go unnoticed.

Good god, Rebecca. I like Daniel Day-Lewis- he's just so unusual- and while his shoes are pretty silly-looking, he looks groomed and washed, so I'm letting him off the hook. But...Rebecca. The straps of your gown are large red bows. You have a random, huge flower-shaped adornment hanging from your bosom. And you paired it with black and white striped pumps. I know that some major designer- I don't the remember who- paired their entire collection this season with these exact shoes. But that doesn't make it okay to wear them to the Oscars. Your outfit makes a man wearing brown hiking boots with his tux look stylish. And that's just not right.

Victoria Beckham

Didn't Victoria wear a very similar design to a Spice Girls event last year?

And didn't everybody unanimously cry out, "VISIBLE BRAS ARE NOT STYLISH, EVEN IF THEY'RE MARC JACOBS!!!" ? So why did she choose to wear the same thing, only sequined and black? I understand the premise that one must take risks in order to be truly fashion-forward...but does that mean that walking around with our bras in plain view is the wave of the future? Already, Fashion Week has been dominated by sheer fabrics. Is this really what awaits us? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Rachel Bilson

Oh, no! Rachel! You can be so cute sometimes, and yet...



Stop smiling. Seriously. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is fashion week. You can't just knot one of the hotel towels around your neck and call it a dress. Dresses have shape. And even if they are fluid and loose, they drape gracefully. They don't stiffly sag down the front because the odd neck-brace-like contraption at the top is making weird creases. I also take issue with the black stripe on said neck brace. From afar, it looks like a very, very, very obvious bra slip. I hope it doesn't become a fad; Britney-chic is not my favorite look.

Anyway, Rachel, try wearing real clothes next time. You didn't fool anybody. And I am NOT going to mention how cute you look in that color, and how great your shoes and toenails look, and how your makeup is perfect...oh, rats. I just did.